This week has passed faster than I thought. It feels as though yesterday was Monday and
I was able to reflect on the past few weeks in writing. Today is Friday and as I listen to a quiet house waiting for Avi to call with the blood test results from his labs this morning. I realize as I look at the calendars above me that the transplant seems to be approaching rather quickly and this whole process will be at an end by the beginning of summer. The Spring of Avi and Shawna, as I like to think about it. Less than a month, and we will be going through the most terrifying point in our lives.
I'm strangely ambivalent about the whole thing. On one hand I am so dreading watching Avi go through this whole procedure and what he mentally and physically will have to endure. On the other, I want to do the happy dance, because we will be done, he will have kicked cancer's ass and we can go back to being normal. Ah, normal. This is a concept and a phrase that I had so taken for granted in my life. I never wanted to be normal...I wanted to be special. Normal isn't so bad, and mentally I recognize that there will be a new normal implemented in our lives, one that is modified from what we were and what we are presently. A transformer of Avi and my creation, built on the strength, humor and love that had started before this and has solidified throughout this. I must admit, new normal is terrifyingly unknown, and I'm grateful for the weekend, when hopefully time can slow down and we can just enjoy being with each other for a bit.
Day...149
Today I am grateful for...
People who pick up my trash and recycling...
My bosses, past and present, who are so cool and wonderful and have supported me and let me loved their children
Avi driving himself today.
Friday
cold medicine...so I can function.
One more day
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