After a very restless night's sleep, I open my eyes to see Avi staring at me. Oh goody, it was time to get up. I'm sure I could have slept longer but the amount of noise he makes thumping around the house, I might as well get up. I came down this morning and noticed how our tidy house had become untidy over the past day of us "relaxing". My guilt rose and I immediately began planning my day while making coffee and listening to Avi open various pill bottles as he commenced his morning routine. "Please let me get everything done today or at least enough to pacify the little monster in my head that tells me I am not working hard enough" I thought as the coffee brewed. My list has grown longer as the morning has worn on. Avi, my beloved keeps looking at me and saying "It is such a good day for relaxing." RELAX!!!!, I don't get to relax... my brain is vibrating while balancing on the edge of trying to be with him and with the multitude of things I have to do before our week starts tomorrow, RELAX...I don't think so.
I realize that today especially I am looking at the bigger picture and am having a hard time focusing on one or two do-able tasks. I am also finding it difficult to want to prepare for this holiday party I have agreed to. My hesitance about the party comes from the isolated feeling that Avi and I have that no one really gets this, or us anymore. We are fighting a disease and we are in the minority. Our new world consists of people who are 65+ and parents of children with the disease. I feel like we have lost our peers.
Ok back to the grind...cleaning the house while decorating it as much as I can for the holidays.
Before I forget...TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR....
Turtle...the love of my life
ribbon real ribbon
laundry soap...TIDE
Avi having given up coffee so I can get one more fix before I keep cleaning....
I made it one more day...
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