Today we are off to the endocrinology floor of Jefferson Hospital. We are just going to check with another doctor on how Avi is doing. For the past few days he has been sad. I don't know if it is because he has had so much to think about, that he is just overwhelmed, I am or if this is typical of cancer patients. Everyone is allowed to feel sad. I can't snap him out of it and that bothers me. I hate not being able to help. I'm tired and not sleeping well, he's tired and not sleeping well, and both of us are wondering when this will finally be over and what life will be like post-cancer.
Post-cancer...it almost seems unreal right now. The finish line is so close we can almost feel the warm spring air of freedom from the hospital, and yet we wait for the other shoe to drop constantly. Neither one of us has relaxed and I mean really relaxed in four months. No worries about appointments, Neutropenia, infections, fevers, being the bad kind of tired, and how we will pay bills or get the house clean. I want relaxation for him. I want him to feel calm and relaxed down to his last molecule, then I may be able to relax. Until then we will just keep doing what we are doing, and doing it the best we know how, hoping that the fog of this disease will clear and we can resume a life of being just Avi and Shawna and not the cancer patient and his care-giver.
Kosher is getting easier....Carbs are my enemy....oh what to do
Today I am grateful for...
books...
the public library...
gold bond lotion...
hot showers...
having the time to do my hair...
We made it one more day and the week is almost over...
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