I realized late last night (too late to post) that my head has started to do count down things. Things like 2 days till Avi goes back into the hospital. 7 weeks till transplant 13 weeks till he's out of the hospital for good. I have this running list in my head that I keep checking off until I figure there will be no more list or I will have a new list. I realized that although he will have a break between this round of Chemo and the transplant, that break is going to be filled with doctors appointments, lab tests, and over-all getting him ready to go back into the hospital for the next 5-6 weeks. The beginning of the end. Oh I hope its the end, he won't marry me until it is, and after all this we deserve to be married. I'm ready to worry about other things like making our house more environmentally friendly, purging the house of what we don't need, and planning for a wedding and a baby. I want to take classes again without the worry. I want him to go back to school for nursing and start to feel better about himself again. All of these things will happen, there is no doubt in my mind, there is just making sure the reservior of patience within me stays full and I don't blow a gasket with all of this sitting on the side-lines just waiting. We have gone from 30 year olds to a wise old couple and I am anxious to give ourselves a little youth back, a little lets go out for dinner and dancing again. I can see the goal.
Kosher living...did you know they made turkey bacon? Yeah I know...not the same.
Carbs I will overcome the addiction!!!!
Today I am grateful for...
the truth of it...
bad days to measure how good, the good ones really are
waking up next to Avi...
grapefruit juice
home infusion nurses to come to us and change the covering on his PIC line so he stays healthy!!!!
My love, we made it one more day...which if you think about it has been 115 one more days.
No comments:
Post a Comment