This was the week of crying. On Wed., I had taken a day off of the hospital and on Thurs. when I arrived to visit with Avi, feeling somewhat revived or at least a little more able to deal with the run-around of the doctors, Avi started crying. Now when I say crying I mean "man crying", which is no less emotional, but a little less physical demonstration. He was released from the hospital later that day but the emotion stayed with him well into the night when I layed in bed holding him and watching a spot appear on the pillow where it caught his tears. The worst part about this, beyond watching them poison him, beyond the feeling of being alone and frustrated with the world, beyond the frustration with this disease, is watching him cry. All he would say was "I'm tired of feeling like this." in almost desperation. It agains puts things in perspective for me. I am allowed my emotions, but I should always make room for his and realize that no matter how lonely it feels, we are together in this.
Today I am grateful for...
understanding friends
mid-morning naps
HOT showers
Amy's meatloaf...it makes me cry for good reasons
Avi's love for me and the way his eyes soften when he looks at me.
One more dose...
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