PMS+Cancer

We had quite the day yesterday. I knew I was getting hormonal and it just came to a boiling point. I was crying all morning and it caused us to have many conversations that I don't know if we would have had if I hadn't been hormonal. We talked a lot. Mostly about how scary this next portion of treatment is. Plus we expected to jump right into the next cycle and it hasn't happened yet so we both feel really stalled right now and that isn't a comfortable feeling for either of us. We came to realize that we both have a fear of leaving the house and spending time out with our friends. We don't know when a bad moment will arrive. Plus there is the dawning realization that our friendships have changed. Those we thought would be there side by side with us have abandoned and let us down in a way we are both coming to terms with and still wanting to justify. We keep asking ourselves and each other "When will it be normal?" and "Will we even recognize what normal is again?" When you think about it those are the scariest things to not know. I think it is especially hard for him because he is now processing how close he was to dying. He keeps bringing it up.

We processed yesterday that is for sure and by last night we were able to look at each other and realize that as long as we are together we will be fine. We have become quite the team, much more than I ever could have expected and that fuels my love for him even more. This stuff, this is what they should put in romance novels, the stuff that makes real relationships work and last through the years...the other stuff is only fluff.

Day 5 kosher!!!! Getting easier, easting more vegetarian than I expected.

Today I am grateful for...

Teamwork

Fridays

houseplants

garden catalogs

oatmeal

we made it through yesterday stonger and better...one more day