I broke down last night, literally looking at Avi and then bursting into tears. I may have been patting myself on the back to much over the holidays pretending that we were so close to the end it would be a breeze. Startling reality hit and this homestretch that we are on will be the toughest challenge we have to face. It will be the most he will have to endure and I get to sit and watch with no power. Having no power really sucks, especially when someone you care about is hurting. I am scared...mostly of the unknown. I know Chemo now, I know the drugs, the routine, and what it will do to him. I know how to make Chemo my bitch at this point, how to make it as easy on him as I possibly can while going to work and keeping our house neat. ...ok relatively neat. I don't know Radiation and I don't know transplant. They are the new kids on the block and right now they are looking like bullies. I don't like it.
Day 3 of Kosher...learning to love the lentil!!!!
Today I am grateful for...
quiet mornings to do laundry
trusting myself to let Avi go off in the world by himself
tea...it was a good replacement for coffee
goinng to work an hour later
hot showers...bought to take one now.
We made it one more day...
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