Ch-ch-ch-changes

So I changed my blog today.  It felt good.  It felt like a very small step in the "life must go on" portion of my grieving.  I think it feels better, like a clean start to some things.  Guess what...I don't have to write about how craptastic cancer is anymore.  Instead I'm going to write about the small changes I am going to start making to my life.

First...I am going back to work on Monday.  It may be too soon, but I'm not going to not try.  I love my job and I miss it terribly.  I think it will be an important part of trying to reclaim my life for me.

Second...I have joined a gym and I am going to start running again.  A long, long, long time ago, I would run, everyday.  I loved it.  Then life happened and I gained like 60lbs (I call it my cancer weight) and the running stopped.  My plan is to do at least one 5k this year and the Light up the Night walk (benefiting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society) in November.  The first one is for me and the second will be to honor Avi.  Stay tuned, I'll probably add something on here to help raise money for it.

Third...I am going to register to be a bone marrow donor.  I think it is going to be the most important thing that I will do this year to honor my time with Avi.

You see, I've been thinking a lot about my life and what I want for myself.  The one thing I keep going back to is, I want to GIVE.  My spirit feels a little empty with Avi gone and I think "giving" is going to be what makes it feel less empty.


Avi,
I think you would be proud of us.  Your family and friends have joined together as a unit.  Although shiva has come to an end, the grieving for you continues.  We are not doing it alone though.  We are doing what you asked, leaning on each other, supporting each other, crying and laughing with each other.  Your voice is missed in the chaos.  We are your voice now, all of us, in the stories we tell.  You would love it.

Please stop making the dogs bark at the wall, it freaks me out.
I love you,
Shawna