Chris-mah-kah

Today is the first day of December.  It is also the first day of Hunka-chunka (Hanukkah).  As I plan for our evening, dinner and lighting the menorah candles, I'm reflecting on our holiday season.  It makes me think of the first year Avi and I were together and how far we have come, melding our two backgrounds into a cohesive time of celebration. 

We had been dating a few months, newly in our relationship, trying to figure out if we wanted to move on to something beyond friends.  He had just broken up with a girlfriend, and I had been dumped by two previous boyfriends for not being Jewish.  People were telling him to "sew some oats" and people were warning me not to date another person who would reject me based on cultural differences.  By autumn, we had discovered that our friendship wasn't going to be enough and there was some real attraction going on.  Then came December, one of my favorite times of the year.  Right after Thanksgiving, my little tree came out of storage and got decorated, while the house filled with smells of warming apple cider and cinnamon.  Avi and I sat down and talked about how we would handle the upcoming holidays.  We decided on mutually sharing the holidays while still doing "our own thing", family time for him sans me and my winter break in the burbs, where I was happy to be snowed in alone.  This is when he initiated me into my first Hunka-chunka (This is how he refers to the holiday.  I believe it is a childhood name for it and not meant to be disrespectful.)  My first gift from him on the fourth day of Hanukkah was a set of antique glass cocktail stirrers in the shapes of flowers and leaves.  I cried, really if you know me, it was like the perfect gift and he got it on the first try!  For Christmas, I gave him a practical pair of new pajama pants, because I was tired of looking at the holes in the only pair of pajamas he had.  At the time we weren't thinking of forever, so we just enjoyed sharing our holidays with each other and then when social obligations called we went our separate ways.

The following year our lives had changed dramatically.  We were living together in our happy little house, Avi's parents finally knew I existed (a story for another day), Avi had been diagnosed with Leukemia, and we had just finished round one, entering into round two of Chemotherapy.  Avi was able to do round two while being at home, going into the hospital every other day to get blood tests or actual doses of Chemo, and we were just happy that after eight weeks of hospitalization we could sleep in the same bed every night.  We didn't know how blessed we were, that his regimen was somehow scheduled around both holidays.  We blissfully took for granted that once transplant time came in the Spring, he would be cured and we would move on.  We just put in our time doing what the doctors told us, and tried to complain as little as possible.  When the time came to take out,  "our" tree and "our" new menorah,  I asked myself, "How are we going to do this?"  I wanted desperately to please his family by honoring their traditions, but secretly I wanted my tree.  For me, it has never been about the religious aspect of Christmas.  To be honest, I'm not at all religious (I am however incredibly spiritual).  The Christmas holiday has always been about giving to others and to really spend quality time with family and friends.  I asked Avi if we could still do both holidays, and he replied, "Yeah, why wouldn't we?  If you want a tree, put out the tree."  And so began the first year of  our family's Chrismahkah holiday season.  It begins the first night of Hanukkah and ends New Year's day (or the day after depending on how lazy I feel taking down the decorations).  It is a time when the two of us try to give back to our friends and family (even if it is an evening of movies and pizza).  We express our gratitude for the many people in our lives and how blessed we are to have each other, our house, and our two wonderful little dogs.

This year on the first day of our family's holiday season, I want to share this:
Thanks to the universe for the time that we have had, please give us more time.  Thank you to all of our friends, family, doctors, nurses, and strangers who have given us their time and kindness.  Thank you to every single person who donates blood.  It has been life saving.  And thank you again for giving us one more day.